penny in a castle

A digital chapbook.

The woman in black

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I don’t know if anyone who knows me has noticed but most days I wear black.  I’m not a witch (usually). Or goth.  Or heavy metal. Or punk.  (I’ve never trended on anything).  No, I’m not depressed.  Or headed to a funeral.

It’s just that my wardrobe has been an unconscious downward spiral into the dark non-colour.

It all started when I had children and became a working mom.

This may seem counter intuitive because children themselves are bright beings that love to dress in a multitude of colours.  And, as a parent you would think that I’d want to wear something bright to counteract the constant gray look of exhaustion.

But, when you are a working mom, most of your money goes into day care (occasionally, if you are lucky it also goes to the house cleaning fairies – but that’s a post for another time).  As a result, most of my clothes are hand me downs or from the St. Vincént collection.

So when I have a chance to buy anything new, it must follow a few, strict, criteria. 1) I don’t have time to read labels so it has to be washable –otherwise I will shrink something on a regular basis and I don’t have time to iron. To the point where my children open the closet in any given hotel room and say “whoa – surfboard! Can we use that in the pool?” 2) It has to match everything else I own – because the thing I hate most in the morning is standing in front of my closet and feeling completely defeated by my wardrobe.  If I can’t win that battle the day is utterly lost.  4) It has to have a “classic” look since God knows when I will have the time, money or energy to shop again.  I don’t want to be wearing neon (or whatever last year’s latest colour and/or style was) to a meeting where everyone will turn with a pitying look and I can hear the whispers in their brain, “That look was SO YESTERDAY – you must have just come off maternity leave. Or shopping at St. Vincént again.”

Black, that fabulous non-colour meets all my criteria.  It never goes out of style. My style of course, I believe being from the same vintage as Breakfast at Tiffany’s and Mad Men. I know I’m having a good day if I feel I am channelling young Diana Rigg.  If everything else I own is black – I just know it matches.

Black has an extra advantage in that it hides everything spilled on it.  Chocolate, spaghetti sauce and blood, the three things I am most likely to have down the front of me when I leave the house in the morning – magically disappear into its darkness.  The only thing it doesn’t hide is boogers.  Actually, I have to admit it kind of amplifies them.   I have to talk to the designers about this.  Parents everywhere will thank them if they can create a booger repelling fabric.

It has even come to the point where I have bought almost identical black tops and pants without even realizing it because, well, they’re black! And you can never have too much of it.

So if you see me going into work and I’m dressed in black, don’t assume I’m having a bad day.  It’s more likely there wasn’t anything else was in my closet. Or maybe I’m just channelling my inner ninja. Either way you might want to look out because I might kick your ass.

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Written by pennyinacastle

October 9, 2013 at 2:06 am

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